Watching the Swimming Olympic Trials made my heart go crazy. It is as if I was there, competing in lane 0. It’s really intense, and it’s one of the few sports where I can empathize with the swimmers before, during and right after their races. During the races, I feel my brain visualizing the race, mentally preparing myself for it; even though I’m here, at home, relaxing. I feel the adrenaline rush into my body, as I mentally become aware to my heart rate and breathing.

I just watched Clark Smith swim the 400 free final and watching him go from 1st to 4th made me remember my unfortunate races (although to a lesser degree professionally). I wonder if he would’ve felt the same way I felt when I watched him. Seeing his competitors slowly catch up to him from the huge lead he managed to obtain in the first 200 then slowly passing him one by one. The sadness knowing your losing, yet the drive to finish and the tiny sliver of hope of finishing first…

Only top 2 make it to the Olympics, and the rest watch on…

After he finished. I immediately closed my tab on my browser and took a few deep breaths. Sigh. Maybe in 4 more years. Just like me. Maybe 4 more years and I’ll qualify to the trial.

That’s why I don’t like watching these things. I can actually put myself in his shoes and feel his sadness. And I don’t like that feeling.

Rio 2016!